Monday, July 25, 2011

Lift and Swipe!

I always wondered why men scratch their balls. A lot. I always thought it may have just been a reason, an excuse, to cop a feel of their own sac. We know how men love that. But, as I sit here typing, and sweating, it occurred to me. Perhaps, they are just hot?

We are amidst another heat wave. This is the 5th day in a row of three-digit temperatures . Step outside and you are immediately aware of the record breaking temps as you are swallowed into the fiery mouth of hell while suffocating on the humidity. All over the television you hear the reports and the warnings of the heat wave attacking the nation. The reporters beg us, from the comforts of their near freezing television studios, to stay inside. Some of us listen, most of us don't.

The temperature at 8am was 96 degrees. The heat index was 106 degrees. Though aware of what a heat index is, I never fully understood the concept . What I do know is that the higher it is the more my boobs seem to sweat. There is not a lot a big busted woman can do to stop sweat beads from building, and pouring, beneath her boobs. The feeling is rather uncomfortable and can cause us to itch. The bigger the cleavage the itchier one will be. At this moment you would think I was digging for a treasure in my very own cleavage because I can't seem to get my hands deep enough to scratch all of the itches. And below my boobs, where they sag lay on my chest, the moisture is enough to resolve the inevitable drought that is sure to follow this type of weather.

There is nothing attractive about my hands groping my own breasts. But, with the pony tail on top of my head, the tank top soaked enough to enter a wet t-shirt contest, and the sexy sweat mustache, I think we lost attractive a long time ago.

Maybe men do scratch their balls because they are hot, and itchy. Maybe they like how it feels. Probably both! Either way, until there is an air-conditioned bra I beg you to pardon us ladies as we lift and swipe!