Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Don't Laugh

My wish for my daughter is that she never dates a funny guy. I wish for her to never, ever have a group of hilarious friends. What, you think that sounds mean? That is because you have no idea what it would do for her socially, should she hang around with funny people.

I have this vision of Diva, in the future. She's on a first date with a guy who has an extremely good sense of humor. He has her giggling; she's having a good time. Halfway through dinner, he cracks a joke and she breaks into a fit of laughter and then... it happens. She vomits on the table. Think she's getting a second date?

Let me back up. You see, Diva has some sort of strange affliction. Whenever she laughs, she gets the hiccups. Every. Single. Time. And, often, those hiccups turn into these bizarre hiccupy burps. Then, ultimately, a hiccup so violent that it brings up her lunch. WTF? It is so gross. And, really unfair to her!

I find myself yelling at my family members, telling them not to have fun with her. “No! Don't do that! She will think it is funny and I don't want her to laugh!!!” What kind of life is that? Being forbidden to have fun? But, it is for her own good. And mine. I mean, I'm sure she doesn't enjoy all that barfing and I certainly don't want to clean it up. So, no laughing. It's a win-win. Right? Wrong... sigh...

But, I do worry for her social life down the road. Unless she dates some guys with a very strange and disturbing fetish, she better find herself one dull dude.