Thursday, October 27, 2011

What's up with Vaginas?

So, being that I'm female, you'd assume I'd have an easier time parenting a girl than a boy.  But you would be wrong.  Dude, who is full of his own issues, is way easier to parent than Diva

For starters, I can't do hair.  Diva's pigtails are always lopsided or there are lumps here and there and straggly pieces hanging out.  I'm not even good at brushing her hair- she screams like I'm pulling it out at the roots and the whole thing is just a bunch of drama.

But styling a preschooler's hair is a piece of cake when you compare it to vaginas.  What is up with those?  Granted, I have one, but whatever is going on with Diva's is something I just don't get.  Every other day for the last 2 weeks she's been complaining about her troublesome "giney".  Yes, that is her nickname for it (when she's not calling it "my gines"), even though I am certainly not one of those moms who creates nicknames for her kids' nether regions.  She's always shifting things, adjusting things...  I don't get it.  Isn't that what boys are supposed to do?

It was recently brought to my attention that perhaps it is a toilet tissue issue.  I have incessantly chanted, "Front to back!  Front to back!", and she still doesn't do that correctly.  But, my new tactic seems great. I call it the "Pat, pat drop."  That seems to be safer and more efficient.  But, regardless, even if the pat, pat drop is successful, it isn't keeping her gines from bothering her.  So today I called the doctor and was told that if it isn't better in a couple days, I need to get her some monistat.  WTF?  She's not even three!  I didn't realize there were preschoolers running around with tiny packs of monistat cream in their backpacks.  Apparently it is more common that I thought. 

Oh yeah, and this morning I caught her undressed in her bedroom, completely bent over and when I asked her what she was doing, she asked me, "What's in there?"  I didn't realize these tiny gineys were full of such mystery and intrigue.

Some of you readers must have daughters...  tell me, are they just as overly interested in their bits and pieces as my kid?  Or is my kid just particularly unladylike?