Thursday, April 5, 2012

Diary of a Germaphobe: Entry #2

Dear Diary,

During the past few weeks, there have been kids' activities on Saturday mornings at the Disney Store. I am not sure what inspired two germaphobes, like J and me, to swing by a few weeks ago with Dude and Diva. Who says we don't live on the edge?

As we walked into the mall, my eyes lit up as I noticed a bulge in J's pants. I was immediately excited. Oh yes, I recognized that bulge. I know it well.  As a matter of fact, I had a bulge of my own. Yes, we were both armed with tubes of Purell in our pockets. What a team!

We hesitantly entered the Disney Store and were ushered towards the back. There was a dirty mat on the ground and we were instructed to have our kids take a seat. J and I looked around at the children who were already seated and gave each other a knowing glance. "DO NOT LET THEM SIT," our eyes spoke. It seemed like every kid that was attending the event had green snot pouring out of their noses, watery eyes and coughs that sounded as if they were on the verge of vomiting. I held Diva close to me and J had a strangle hold on Dude.

Ultimately, we had to release our prisoners children so they could complete the Phineas and Ferb scavenger hunt. Diva ran away from me immediately (can't blame her), straight for the Minnie Mouse cups. She grabbed a cup and raised it to her mouth and I swear I flew through the air to catch her in time. It was like a scene from a movie: me, flying in slow motion, screaming, "N-o-o-o-o-o!" Got there just in time.

The rest of the morning was more of the same. "Don't touch that, don't touch him, don't talk to her, don't you see that snot?" Dash of Purell here, dash of Purell there. It was exhausting.

But, we made it. Nobody was harmed. At least not physically. Mentally? Most definitely.



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